Sometimes you have to just go through it…
Plus, some news on how things are shifting and changing in my work.
In the words of the brilliant Michael Rosen…
“We can’t go over it, we can’t go under it. Oh no! We have to go through it”.
There are jolly difficult stages of motherhood.
We don’t all face them all, but we do all face some.
Things like…
Breastfeeding struggles.
Reflux.
Split nights.
Sleep regressions.
Work changes.
Identity shifts.
Being extremely disappointed with society or your partner or inequality or the pressure that is placed on mothers or all these things.
One of the things that has been annoying me more and more and more over the years is people thinking that they have some magic answer. These same people shouting about magic answers all over the place, in books, on the internet, on social media channels.
I managed to gaslight myself while pregnant with my second child reading the book 7pm to 7am Sleeping Baby Routine. Maybe my first child hadn’t had reflux and extremely low sleep needs. No, no. What had happened there was we didn’t burp her enough. Silly us. This time we would burp our baby properly. Give them magic drops for their gut microbiome and all would be well. FFS!!!!
Advice is a very, very good way to disempower us. To believe that the answers sit outside of us, with some expert. Really frustratingly while often also telling us that this is all about empowerment.
What would be infinitely more helpful is the understanding and acceptance that sometimes we just have to ‘go through’ these things. They are hard and challenging and there isn’t a way over them or under them. There are no hacks. We are battered and bruised and in need of a brew and lots of biscuits and a sit down.
During these times you need understanding and practical support NOT advice. There isn’t a ‘right’ way. No one has the answers. No one else knows your family, your situation, your child, your story so they don’t have your answers.
I don’t have your answers either. The whole point of a coaching conversation is the space for you to find your own answers. If you’d like to talk more about what this looks like, I’d love to hear from you.
My work is changing…
At the beginning of this week there were four strands to my work.
Now there is one.
I’ve decided to stop offering reflexology and doula work in Manchester and the surrounding area.
I love my Manchester clients, some of you have been with me from the very beginning and we’ve worked together for years and years. I don’t want to stop seeing you, I will miss you so so much. However, when I factor in the costs involved with this, I’m not actually managing to pay myself and that has to be an important part of work.
At the same time, we are closing Golden Shores. Helen needs some time to cope with other things. So, we will probably be back but not for a while, and we don’t have a date.
These have been a big part of my week. My intention is to fill the space with coaching work. I’ve had a year of extra training and feeling ready for a season of growth and change.
However, acknowledging that two things can be true at the same time…
I have had the biggest of wobbles about self-employment lately. I know my self-employed friends and I usually threaten to leave self-employment at least every other time we speak but this felt more serious.
Last year was my worst financially since being self-employed and that felt hard. I invested in somethings that I didn’t ever make any money from. I’ve also spent lots of time and energy completing more training and that made another big dent.
Money has been a very in my face issue as we are buying a new family home (well, hopefully we are, if we can ever get to exchange) and my contribution to the family income has been reviewed in detail.
So, at the same time money has been a big conversation at home, the new home has meant that for the first time in years I’ve been designing. The drawing board has come out and I’ve got an office full of swatches and drawings and ideas. I have loved it so much and found it so brilliant to be thinking in that way again.
A big question has been, should I go back? (I worked in architectural design before being made redundant for having a baby). The answer, after a lot (a lot, a lot, bucket loads and some tears) of consideration, is no.
Coaching is brilliant, the work is meaningful and helps people at moments when they really need it. Often when they are stuck and/or struggling and they don’t know which way to turn. Coaching is a way to figure out the next steps and that is worthwhile and meaningful work and I hope I can build up this side of my work over the next few months.
To make things work I will need some new folks. You can help.
Here are some of the ways that you can help.
· If we’ve worked together and you are happy to share a little bit about your experience that would be brilliant.
· Share this email with someone.
· If you know someone who might benefit from a coaching conversation, please share my details.
· If you work in an organisation that is interested in supporting maternity transitions, please get in touch.
Thank you so much.
With love
x
This!! “Advice is a very, very good way to disempower us. To believe that the answers sit outside of us, with some expert.” I experienced a lot of this with infertility as well. 🤯 I’ll be on the look out for the parallels with motherhood! x