Caring less and less what other people think
About all things but for today, specifically, about macaroni cheese...
We are all getting older.
One of the things I am most excited about is the possibility of growing into a woman who does not give a fuck*. This is one of my favourite things about the older women I know and admire. They know who they are, and they care an awful lot less what anyone thinks.
This is something I talk about a lot in coaching conversations - whose opinion do you trust?
In my life nutrition is a good example of this. For instance, we eat macaroni cheese a lot in our house. It’s simple, cheap and one of those meals where it isn’t a fight to get anyone to come to the table. We (usually) have a beautiful experience one where there is a big bowl of warm yummy food, and we all talk and share it.
Years ago, I paid good money to talk to a nutritional therapist and they had lots of opinions about macaroni cheese. They felt I shouldn’t be feeding my children so much gluten and dairy. Having spent lots of time reflecting on how I want to feed myself and my family and having very deliberately chosen for my priority about food in our home to be an enjoyable, shared experience. Being happy to place this emphasis on shared and warm experiences above the drive for nutrient dense food. Yet somehow these words stay with me. There is a nagging voice in my head every time I serve this meal.
Is it nutrient dense enough?
Am I supporting their gut health to thrive?
Should I be encouraging them to at least try the greens on the table?
Am I a terrible parent because my children don’t eat many (any) vegetables?
Over time, I’ve realised that the advice from the nutritionist wasn’t right for our family, yet somehow, I haven’t quite managed to put it down.
I think this valuing of external voices is something that is at its worst when we don’t feel confident. That searching for external validation or external answers. The issue can be that we listen to someone else more than we listen to ourselves.
I’ll push this in coaching. Asking about whether they feel that person is in anyway qualified to have influence in their life? If they know anything about their experience? Or any evidence or research into this specific area? Would they ask anyone else they know and love to trust this person’s opinion?
The answer is usually no.
So, on this cold, blustery Monday, if you would like to, maybe choose someone else’s opinion on something that you are ready to care less about.
Maybe that’s feeding your children a meal that is basically just gluten and dairy.
Maybe that’s enjoying a glass of wine in pregnancy.
Maybe that’s having a home that isn’t even slightly minimalist or slow or clean.
Maybe that’s knowing that the hours you choose to do at work are the right thing for your family and there is no such thing as a perfect balance.
I’d love to hear what it is that you might choose. I’d also really, really love to hear the things that you are excited about when you think about getting older.
I’m building up my coaching practice and am actively looking for new clients. If you’d like to work together, please do get in touch or book yourself in for a free session.
Lots of love
Hannah
*My mother signed up to this reading list and keeps asking me to swear less (sorry Mom!).
I really enjoyed reading this and felt myself giving an inner “fuck yes” as I did. In my early 40s I’m still learning to give less fucks and I like you I also love speaking with women a little further down the trail who embody this. Every Wednesday (today here) we have tuna pasta - usually with a lot of cheese and white sauce. Every Wednesday I 1. Look forward to serving a meal that every person in my house enjoys, 2. Feel relief that on a very busy work/after school commitments day I have allowed myself to make something easy but 3. Have a nagging voice listing all the questions you outlined above - is it nutritious enough? Should they be having this every single week? Should I add vegetables to the meal? Tonight, I’m going to care less and serve us our pasta and instead think about how nice it is to come together as a family and eat something yummy. Thank you!!